racingmix.com - what a man needs to know ...

A good woman is as excited about a gift that costs nothing as she is about a gift that costs a lot.

Women have to buy new outfits every season, and this makes them happy.

The idea of love at first sight, though attractive to women in theory, terrifies them in practice.

While yes sometimes means no, no always means no, as does her ordering the garlicky pesto sauce, twirling her hair around her finger while gazing absently into space, and getting up from the table to go to the ladies' room and never returning.

Never ask a woman why she's mad at you, as she will only get madder at your not knowing.

Don't kiss and tell, even if you're really proud of yourself.

Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry. It means having to say you're sorry over and over again, in new and different ways, every day, every week, every month, even when you don't want to, every year, until God grants you his mercy and you finally, blissfully die.

Women who come from big families are more fun.

Women who have two or more brothers are less likely to be disgusted by you.

Women like a man who likes women who like to eat.

An unsolicited kiss is to a woman as free playoff tickets are to a man. Even better: flowers on days that aren't Valentine's Day, anniversaries, or birthdays. Speaking of flowers, they are most effective when delivered to her workplace.

Getting back to kissing: more lip. Less tongue. The small of the back, the nape of the neck, behind the knees.

As a rule, even if she wears a thong the first time you see her unclothed, she prefers white cotton panties.

Never let her arrive at an event alone.

Sometimes women want it when you don't, and for you not to give in on such occasions sets a terrible precedent.

First-date don'ts: overdress, underdress, show up too early, show up too late, or talk too much about yourself. Second-date don'ts: See first-date don'ts, plus don't presume that you're now entitled to sex. Third-date don'ts: See first- and second-date don'ts, plus don't start talking about how you never want to have children or, for that matter, how you want to have children immediately.

Relationship helper.
Please complete: anniversary date:___; birthday:___; dress size:___; shoe size:___; bra size:___.

Only acceptable pickup line: 'Hi, my name is [insert your name]. What's yours?'

Ménage à trois: French for 'In your dreams.'

Sex can be looked at as a game, though not as a competition.
That said, if you are keeping score and you find yourself in the lead, let her catch up. Then let her win. If you win more often than you lose, then you, sir, will find yourself on the free-agent market real soon.

When it's good to hear laughter: when you're telling a joke.
When it's not good to hear laughter: upon your disrobing.

People who smoke and drink have twice as much sex as those who do not.

But remember what a certain William Shakespeare said about the drink: 'It provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.'

To foster its use in your home, call it erotica, not porn.

The woman-on-top position allows her more control over her destiny. Some men find the woman-on-top scenario allows them to last longer. The woman-on-top position does not excuse the watching of television while she does all the work.

Sex three times a week can burn off seventy-five hundred calories a year, the equivalent of seventy-five miles of running. This does not mean that you can skip the gym.

Lesbians have more sex, and longer episodes of sex, than anybody else.
Unfortunately, lesbians do not wish to have sex with you.

Women notice shoes. They also notice nose hair; so should you.

You are in your car an hour each day; you are in your clothes from morning to night. Spend accordingly.

Good shoes and a good haircut matter more than a great suit.

The only good tattoo is a very, very small tattoo placed where no one can see it, which is to say, why get one?

What you find at an outlet store is what other people refused to buy or what a company thinks you will buy because you're the kind of person who shops at an outlet store.

Like cars and stereo equipment, clothes are not really 'invest-ments,' because they cannot appreciate. They're clothes.

First suit: navy solid. Second suit: gray solid. Third suit: navy pinstripe. Fourth suit: gray chalk stripe. Fifth suit: black. Sixth suit: You need no sixth suit.

Sergio Valente put it best when he said, 'How you look tells the world how you feel.'

Never tell anyone how much you make.

Money-saving generic products that are a good idea: bleach, sugar, prescription drugs. Money-saving generic products that are not a good idea: potato chips, garbage bags, beer, toilet paper.

Amount of time it will take to pay off a $2,500 balance on a credit card with 19 percent interest if you make only the minimum monthly payment: forty-one years. Amount you will have paid your credit-card company at the end of that forty-one years: $10,598.

How to get a good raise: Request meeting with boss. Calmly outline accomplishments. Use words such as future and growth. Threaten to quit. Quit. Depart for higher-paying position elsewhere.

It's really more the lack of money that's the root of all evil.

Attractive people make more money than unattractive people. Especially when they're hookers.

Your credit report is more important than it is fair. Buy one periodically (it's free when you've been denied credit) and vigorously dispute any misinformation. (Experian, 800-682-7654; Equifax, 800-685-1111; Trans Union, 800-916-8800.)

The extended warranty is the biggest rip-off today, except cable TV.
If you doubt us on the extended-warranty thing, consider that Best Buy makes more money selling extended warranties than it makes selling products. If you doubt the cable-TV thing, consider that in a recent 8:00 p.m. time slot, Cinemax aired Friday the 13th Part VII.

Remember: Buying stock is exactly the same thing as going to a casino, only with no cocktail service.